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To all who saw that I had taken this blog offline (by simply blocking all posts and displaying a static front page), I would like to apologize for my immaturity. Sometimes I act without thinking, and act like a small child. Hopefully I will be able to write some meaningful posts in the near future. It has gotten kind of dark in my little world, but I hope to see some sunshine sometime soon.
Thanks,
_Tom.
My total daily dosage of insulin for the past three days have been 128u, 116u, and 94u. If you go back five days, my daily dosage was somewhere around 40u. Should that not be freaking me out a little bit? Especially since my prescription is only for 50u a day? There’s this little voice in the back of my head that just keeps saying “You’re screwed.”
I had an Endo appointment today. I knew it was going to be bad. I let my diabetes slide this semester, and I knew the appointment wasn’t going to go well.
My A1c is up from a 6.0 (I think?) to a 7.7. Wonderful. My blood pressure is elevated (might be resulting from the 10 shots of espresso I consumed in a short period of time on Wednesday night, might not be). My pulse is averaging around 90 for the past two days.
Awesome. Sometimes I just want to give up and say “To Hell with it all. If this is how it’s going to be, then so be it. Have your way with me. Just leave my dignity by the door on your way out.” Sometimes I simply do not care. I cannot bring myself to make the connection that not caring now will result in complications in the future.
My endo upped my basal rates. In the process, he also eradicated the basal rates I had set up. In addition to making every slot the same, instead of raising them all equally, he made it so that from 12:30am until 7am I was getting 0.000u of insulin. He’s a genius, I tell you.
After fixing that whole “I don’t get insulin for 6.5 hours while I’m sleeping” thing, I changed my basals to reflect the increase he attempted to administer. I’m getting just under 27u of insulin in basal each day, and my insulin-to-carb ratio is now 1-to-4 for most of the day, changing to 1-to-5 around 2am to try to keep myself from inducing lows while I’m sleeping.
It just scares me sometimes. A yogurt, 29g of carbs… Something that could be a viable “snack”, warrants 7.25u of insulin now? I remember back when it only took half of that to keep me hovering around 100mg/dL. Sad to say it, but I miss those days. This disease is about to get a whole lot more expensive if it now takes double the amount of insulin to keep me in healthy ranges.
We’ll see where this road takes me. Hopefully it leads me to a healthier life; hopefully one where I don’t feel like all I do is sleep and feel like crud. I guess all I can do now is sit back and see where I end up… but then again, I guess I can never “sit back and see” anymore… that’s how I got into this mess, isn’t it?
I’ll keep you all in the know on the blood pressure issue, as well as the usual issues. I should be getting a prescription for it all in the mail (BTW: Since when can a doctor’s office not simply hand you a prescription for something? I have to wait on the US Postal Service to get scripts for bp meds, test strips, and insulin now??? “The doctor needs to sign it.” Yes, the same doctor that I was speaking with not five minutes before. Odd.) But yes, I will keep you all in the know. Or else I will be turning to you all with questions in hope that someone out there may have an answer for me.
I’m going to leave you all with a quote that I find fits this situation quite well.
“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience.” Sadly, the person from whose lips these words came is unknown. I was so going to give them street cred with this post. Oh well, their loss. :-p
Peace to all,
Tom.
PS: I hope everyone had a good New Year, and that everyone’s lives are peaceful in this coming year.
